Filth demons

That's what I call my kids.....filth demons. Never did I ever dream I could come face to face with such destructive power harnessed in such cute, emotionally delectable little packages. They're akin to Chernobyl, only instead of spewing radiation they bombard us with snot, stomach bile, half eaten food, and filthy slime that penetrates the barrier between the chub on their thighs and their diaper. Not to mention the pure Chaolutter (chaos and clutter) they can unleash with their toys and meandering forays into mischief. I was mopping the floor in the dining room tonight and caught my self muttering under my breath, in between equally spaced dry heaves of course, that I'm not spawning another filth demon again. Now I know many of you are probably breathing a sigh of relief and planning on writing your Congressman, petitioning that this be a national day of remembrance of such a monumental and important decision. Don't worry, I'll be right there with you. I have to nip (or snip) this potential problem in the bud so to speak. I'm thinking that rather than pay for a Vasectomy, I could just find a faulty microwave and stand in front of it for 10 minutes. That, or I could do clean up work at the Japanese Nuclear reactor without any pants on....but that would turn the Fukushima 50 unto the Fukushima 1 in about 5 minutes. Another option would be a stun gun...........nah, the microwave is my best bet on the cost effective side. Although it could possibly cause some kind of mutation with my Kiwis and turn me into some kind of circus freak. I can live with this giant, bald monstrosity perched on my neck like some monolithic astro-boulder. But having mutant Kiwis could possibly be the tipping point at which my fragile psyche snaps, and I start telling people what I REALLY think. Trust me, none of us want ANY part of that. So, in short, kids are messy...and I don't want mutant balls. Wow, I took the long way to that conclusion. Oh well, it was kinda like a nice country drive.....in a mini house of horrors kinda way.

My head looks like a giant albino tortoise with no legs.......it's HUGE.